Ignore your rights and they’ll go away, or, in my case, Ignore your being and you’ll go away.

Earlier this week, I saw a bumper sticker that read, “Ignore your rights and they’ll go away”. It reminded me of what I have recently gone through with my now ex-boyfriend. I engulfed myself in the relationship, in the idea of forever, in the idea that we can work anything out as long as there is love. I didn’t want to give up my love for him, the excitement of a dog, cat, two kids and a white picket fence. I didn’t’ want to give up on him and certainly didn’t want him to give up on himself. I wanted to make sure he knew how much I cared for him, so I read books for him, cooked for him… and even did his laundry for him (even though I told him when we first started dating that he shouldn’t count on me doing that). So maybe that’s when I lost myself, the first time I did his laundry. I lost my silly carefree self, always concerned if he was happy or not. I lost my sense of adventure and went to Wal-Mart with his family Saturday morning (which was fun and an adventure but not the same) rather than heading to the hills to enjoy God’s Glory. I lost my confidence in doing things well including my work, my cooking, my baking and even my running! Believe me, I’ve never won any running races, but I enjoyed doing it and could, with practice, run a really long time.

Despite all of this, he is not all at fault. There were two of us in this relationship. I let him stifle my being and in the end, he saw that before I did. I still struggle with why he left and am sometimes grateful that he had the strength to walk away when he saw that not only did I lose my being, but maybe he did too. I mourn the loss of our relationship and the loss of a good friendship gone badly. I am also grateful, albeit begrudgingly, that his actions taught me something…Not to ignore my being, and I won’t go away. Now I’m on the road to recovery and am really learning how to be myself and claim it for my own, not only in a committed relationship, but in all of my relationships with friends and family.